Journal Sept 9 2020

I don't know if I want to address the audience. You know, something like "Hey, Folks! Welcome to today's journal...."

Yeah, no, I don't.

So, just going to write.

I have made a little adjustment to the layout of my writing setup though. I'm still using sublime text, but I shifted it's location on the screen. It's more centered. I can't explain why I had it shifted a little to the left previously, but it felt right.

And, not only do I have the window more centered, but I've got the little side (holy shit... The W.A.N.D. by The Flaming Lips just kicked off in my headphones and that made me sit up straight.)...

Where was I. Oh, yeah, the little side window that shows the directory tree in sublime text is also open. That, along with the soft word wrap at 78 characters centers the text up nicely.

Good stuff that...

Font size is still up a little from the default too. Just reset it back to the default and wow does that look small after having it bumped up a few points.

I used to use super small text. Less so these days. Good ol' aging eyes coming into play there, no doubt. The good news is that I can still read the super small text, it's just easier to deal with it with a little larger font.

Oops, just realized I didn't actually take my morning pill. Since I just finished my drink, that'll wait until I'm done with this...

Hang on a sec, gotta change the music up, it went to Heavy Metal Drummer by Wilco. It's a good song, but it's a little too powerful right now, it's taking me out of the flow or writing. brb...

... time passes ...

Alright... yeah, there we go, Thelma by Paul Simon. One of the Bonus Tracks of The Rhythm of the Saints. That's a weird concept to me, the Bonus Track. Like, it wasn't on the CD originally. So, it's not really part of the album, but I suppose it might have been so when they release a new edition (or put it on Spotify) that's where the lable comes in... So, yeah, I guess I get that...

Anyway, the morning ritual is working again. I almost started dropping some music in the discord that Steve has setup. If I'd done that, I would have also caught up on the messages that happened since I went to bed. That would have pulled me it. But, the... backstop(?)... the format(?)... the ritual, I guess, of the ritual got me to get into the writing.

I guess it's fair to say that the ritual prevented me from doing something else, but that doesn't feel exactly right. I guess I'm thinking that something that prevents you from doing something else is external... But, as soon as I say that, I realize that's not true. Like, there's all kinds of physical stuff with your body that prevents you from doing stuff. Like, if you've got a broken leg, that prevents you from snowboarding.

Maybe I just hadn't thought about it for mental stuff?

But, when I think more about that, there's mental stuff too. Like, my morals prevent me from stealing.

But, I don't know, the word prevent still feels like it's got too much weight for it when it comes to the ritual and not doing other stuff until I've done the ritual....

Ahhh, found it! The ritual guides me. It guided me back to writing instead of digging into discord. "Digging into Discord" is the name of my band's new album, btw.

So, yeah, I like that. It's like a hiking guide. You tend to follow them, but, in theory, you could go another way. Though, if you're smart, you don't. Yep. I like that.

Anyway, guess I should do some more journaly style journaling. (I'm not sure how much of the above I would have written if I wasn't recording this. I think most of it. Like, the vast majority. I was going to say we need another word for the fast majority. I'd still like a single word, but we do at least have another term: the lion's share. I'd forgotten about that one. I really like that I'm remembering it now because that's further sign that my brain is coming back online.)

Speaking of the brain coming back online. I finally finished my The Clickly Sound piece. The first post I started making a few weeks back when my brain really first clicked back. I started it on Aug. 18 and today's Sept 9. Took that long to edit it down. Well, kinda, I didn't touch it for like 10 days in the middle. Not sure why.

Trying to think about that, it was exactly like I was scared of it. Some of it was that I didn't feel like I had the wind to do it. Like, I'd do other stuff during the day for work and whatever, and then when it would come time to do it, I just wouldn't... But, this felt different from a couple months ago when I'd have the thing happen where I wouldn't do stuff. Then, it was like, I didn't care. (No, what's the point of going on, not caring, but a different level that I suppose is just general apathy)

Anyway, I think part of it was this semi-consious idea that the time wasn't right. And, I was okay with that since I was just coming back. (Okay, just broke my flow a little and I'm not sure if that's because I just thought about the audience or if it was just a natural break in the train of thought. Guess it doesn't matter, but I noticed it so I'm acknowledging it for now.)

Anyway, I wasn't averse to getting back into the piece. Yeah, I guess it's just that it felt like the time wasn't write. So, it finally was over the past few days. I spent a bunch more time on it. I'm guessing I'm approaching 35-40 hours. (Which might very well mean it's more giving how getting in the zone warps your sense of time)

(Incidentally, yeah, even when journaling without recording, keep BBEdit open for throwing things to it. Like the tweet/post idea I just had with the statement: "Guidelines are better than rules ~ Practices are better than guide lines". In the next like, I was fighting back and forth between "general rule and general guideline" and finally got to "general practice" and that's way better.)

Anyway, as a general practice, I'm not going to wait until it feels like the right time. That way lies... not apathy, but lack of work. Just gotta keep going back to the Stephen King idea of just writing every day.

Yeah, I'm going to setup the little script that shows me when I've written in the journal. The question is, to I try to track other writing too? I kinda don't think so...? Because, I'm not always going to be working on a piece. But, then again, if I am working on one, I want to keep making progress. Need to think about that more.

But, anyway, I got that piece done, I'd spent hours and hours working on the last paragraph. Trying to get it to land right. Kept getting close, but never quite there. Then, last night, I rewrote two sentences, swapping two key words and it clicked. It was after bedtime and I actually managed to pull myself away. So, I've got a last polish to do, but I can tell the solution is in place.

I'm really curious to see if other folks understand it. It's about just getting your fingers moving on the keyboard to get started writing even if you aren't writing anything in particular. It's an idea I got from Merlin Mann. I dedicated the piece to him. In fact, well, I was going to say that I half wrote it for him, but that's not true. He may be one of the only ones who gets it, but I wrote it for me.

And that's the key, I'm writing again. And, with my ritual guiding me, I'll continue to do so.

Cheers,

-a