Journal Sept 20 2020

One thing about writing these journals is that they give me a better sense of time.

Or, better said, they give me a better sense of the days passing. Each day, I start by looking at the calendar and seeing the day of the month (and the month, and the year, but it's really the days that help mark time)

Marking time is a funny statement for me. I still think of band when I hear it. I never really put 2 and 2 together about marking time in band and making time in general.

Anyway, I still don't have that push of things to think about. Or, that push of thinking about things. No surprise there, that's an effect of the meds. And, not a side effect, but the primary effect. My mind isn't jumping to topic after topic while writing these like it used to. I'm not sure if there were times when that didn't happen when I was manic, but I don't think that's the case.

So, this is new.

I'm not sure how to describe it. I don't miss it in general, but I do miss the punch of writing in the journal. But, not that much. It's more like a feeling of, "that's how it used to be, but it's not like that now".

It would get to me more if I wasn't doing all the streaming and coding. That stuff triggers that creative feeling and getting into the flow that writing used to for me.

That's interesting. Because with writing, there was no friction. I just pull the trigger and go. And, editing is the same thing. I could just fly with that and it was the pace that my brain was going. With coding, it's a slower pace. You've got problem solve, and jump around, and wait for the computer, and visit websites to figure stuff out. I didn't mind that at all and I could pace like that, but I think I'm even more in tempo with it now.

It's all still new. But, as different as it is, I'm still liking all of it.